I'm sure you've heard me mention astrology, numerology, Human Design and Gene Keys — how they helped me accept myself. I thought, why not share how that happened? I don't yet know what form this will take, but you have to start somewhere.
The first time I heard the word guru was when my sister introduced me to a Vedic astrologer. She brought so many people to him. He was calm and wise and could tell you things about yourself that blew your mind. He used to host meditation groups at his home once a week; I loved listening to the stories he'd share from the Bhagavad Gita. I loved chanting too, and the idea that so many gods and goddesses could all be different expressions of the One God. It felt, finally, like a religion that understood we are all one in different forms.
But the deeper you go in any religion, the more restrictions you meet — and I don't like restrictions.
My sister and my friend called him "guru." I honestly didn't mind the title. What bothered me was when they treated everything he said like gospel: asking when was the "golden day" to start something, waiting for his approval on ordinary life choices. That's when I began to look at them sideways.
I enjoyed the stories and the readings, and I loved the chanting and the pretty gods, but I could never be a devotee. I'd listen and feel: this is interesting, I get some of it — but it doesn't fully resonate. I cried about it once, asking God what was wrong with me that I couldn't find a guru.
I remember one time after a reading I mentioned that I would love to adopt a child. He told me to come back to him with the child's birthdate before the adoption, so he could make sure I got the child that was "for" me. I actually laughed in his face. I told him I wouldn't deserve to adopt if I could reject a child just because their chart wasn't "good enough." He himself had spoken of times when the Divine had stepped in and his calculations had been wrong in order for him to learn what he still needed in life. That's why I love learning these things but not taking them too much to heart — because ultimately, you are always where you need to be.
Astrology and similar systems are road maps of life. They can help you prepare, but they don't control the journey.
You can still get stuck in traffic, but if you know it's coming you can go to the loo first, grab some snacks and drinks, and make the ride easier.
Ketu in the 9th house in Capricorn
It took me a long time to accept that maybe the problem wasn't me being "difficult" but something more subtle. Discovering that I have Ketu in the 9th house in Capricorn helped explain a lot.
(In short: Ketu is a planet associated with detachment and past-life spiritual learning; the 9th house rules higher belief and teachers; Capricorn brings structure and discipline. Put together, it points to someone who already studied religion deeply in another life and now feels pulled away from rigid dogma.)
A few things that make sense with that placement:
- Detachment from traditional beliefs. Ketu often points to questioning or disconnection from rigid doctrines. In Capricorn this can show as resistance to rule-bound spiritual systems.
- Past-life connection to dharma. You may have exhausted the hunger for formal religious learning in a past life, so this life is about seeking your own truth.
- Guru or father issues. There can be karmic distance or dissatisfaction with teachers or paternal figures — a nudge to become your own guru.
- Unconventional spirituality. Capricorn's seriousness mixed with Ketu's detachment can create a minimalist, disciplined practice that strips away ritual for something more personal.
This doesn't explain everything — it's just a piece of the mosaic. I'm still questioning. I'm still looking. But understanding that Ketu's job is to dissolve certain attachments has freed me to honour my intuition without feeling broken for not fitting the "find a guru" prescription.
I hope it reminds you that maps are tools, not masters. Join me on this journey of uncovering — to see why these systems mean so much to me and, perhaps, to help you recognise pieces of yourself you hadn't noticed before. If you'd like to explore your own chart, Human Design or Gene Keys, let me know and we'll take a gentle look together.
Love B. Xxx
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