A Journey of Authenticity and Change

I feel one of the mistakes we make in this world is teaching people how to fit in. We teach them to be liked and accepted by others, telling them they are not good enough as they are and never will be. They must change to be liked or loved. Almost everything is geared towards change, when really, what we should be learning is acceptance.

I find it ironic that the things people initially say they love about us often become the very things they want to change. How can they not want to change us when they are still trying to change themselves, not knowing what true self-acceptance really is? I am not saying I have all the answers because I, too, catch myself trying to change people. I am learning the art of walking away if I can’t stand it or accepting if it’s not so bad, and knowing the difference.

This world is complicated, and emotions are even more so. Today, I might like that you talk a lot, and tomorrow, I might not. Do I cut everything off because of that, or do I recognize that something is misaligned at the moment? This, I believe, is a major reason for conflict: we have not been taught to understand misalignment and how to deal with it. We have been taught that the other person needs to change for us to be happy, even though we knew this about their character from the start. When people do change, we act surprised and shocked, because it’s not the way we envisioned it. 

We get defensive if someone says we have changed, always striving for approval and hoping the change is good. But according to whom? To the people who liked the old us, it’s a bad change; to those who like the new us, it’s a good change. Whom do we want to please? Did we change to please someone? I would rather be seen as bad if the change is for me. I know I will find a new tribe who loves this new version of me.

My journey to self-acceptance is ongoing. I have been programmed to follow, but my spirit resists that. For this, I am grateful. Still, the learning is there, despite all my inner questions. It’s not easy when everything around you contradicts what you are thinking, feeling, or knowing. It’s crazy when you see that different opinions can all be right at the same time. Or when you realize that no matter how good you try to be, you are a villain in someone else’s life while being a hero in another’s.

This piece is just to say: embrace yourself. Embrace your differences. You do not need to change for me or anyone else, and you will also change simply because things change, and we must act accordingly. If you didn’t embrace change, you wouldn’t be reading this right now. This little change has a big impact, and that’s okay.

Whatever you do or don’t do, do it for you. Let it come from your heart. Put your hand on your heart and ask it questions. Tell your heart you love and appreciate all the work it’s been doing. Understand that you are not doing it wrong; you are doing it your way, and it needed to be done by you in your unique way. You will always be an inspiration to others, even if it’s as an example of what not to do. You are making a difference, just as others before you have.

I will keep saying this: you are perfect in all your imperfections. You are a constant work in progress. You are a crucial part of the puzzle of life, needed just the way you are. You are loved, wanted, and needed right now, and in the next moment, whatever choice you make, it’s okay. Everything is working for you. Whether I know you or not, I love you. Even if you feel like just another piece of the puzzle, you are essential for the complete picture. Take it easy on yourself.

Love,

B. xxxxx